All dogs terrify me

All dogs terrify me


When I was in kindergarten, I was jealous of my friend’s lesbian moms. Two moms - so cool!

When I was in kindergarten, I was jealous of my friend’s lesbian moms. Two moms - so cool!


I use self checkout at Ralphs so i can get organic produce for the non-organic price. And then I yell, “Bitchezzz!!”

I use self checkout at Ralphs so i can get organic produce for the non-organic price. And then I yell, “Bitchezzz!!”


I accidentally killed my pet rat trying to wrap him up like a baby.

I accidentally killed my pet rat trying to wrap him up like a baby.


I spike my mother’s drinks when she gets annoying.

I spike my mother’s drinks when she gets annoying.


I pretend to be my sister’s twin to get drinks

I pretend to be my sister’s twin to get drinks


My 5th grade teacher made me a birthday cake, and then cut each slice with her hand, licking her entire hand clean after each slice. I had 3 slices.

My 5th grade teacher made me a birthday cake, and then cut each slice with her hand, licking her entire hand clean after each slice. I had 3 slices.


I hate my best friend’s girlfriend. I’ trying to passively aggressively break them up.

I hate my best friend’s girlfriend. I’ trying to passively aggressively break them up.


Once I sneezed while making out. Twice.
(We’ve been married now 3 years)

Once I sneezed while making out. Twice.

(We’ve been married now 3 years)


We Have A Show Tonight @ 11pm!


I transferred high schools to chase a boy I met on Livejournal

I transferred high schools to chase a boy I met on Livejournal


I once shit my dress at a wedding… took off my underwear and kept dancing. oops. :(

I once shit my dress at a wedding… took off my underwear and kept dancing. oops. :(


After getting drink with some friends, we got hungry & went to the grocery store. I was so wasted I wet myself & threw up in the aisle & quickly ran away without telling anyone.

After getting drink with some friends, we got hungry & went to the grocery store. I was so wasted I wet myself & threw up in the aisle & quickly ran away without telling anyone.


My little brother is named after me Mom’s ex-boyfriend and I don’t think my Dad realizes it.

My little brother is named after me Mom’s ex-boyfriend and I don’t think my Dad realizes it.


I did a 1/2 tab of L.S.D. one Christmas ever at a family dinner with my WHOLE extended family. I hate cheesecake to this day!!!

I did a 1/2 tab of L.S.D. one Christmas ever at a family dinner with my WHOLE extended family. I hate cheesecake to this day!!!